Thursday, December 19, 2013
Great quote from Sassylapdancer
"I’ve always found taking my clothes off for a living and enjoying porn at home to be empowering rather than degrading. It has heightened my awareness and knowledge of myself as a sexually independent woman. It’s encouraged openness and communication in my relationships. Observing other women – at work and on the screen, showed me that our bodies come in all shapes and sizes, that private bits can look funny, that bodies are noisy, sweaty and not airbrushed as they are in women’s beauty magazines." -@sassylapdancer http://www.londonlapdancer.com/?p=571
Saturday, December 7, 2013
There is no "I" in TEAM
There is no "I" in TEAM
Cooperation, rapport, leadership and raising morale, these are not actions or attributes you would usually think important to a dancer in the club....Believe it or not, working in the Adult Entertainment Industry is a team sport, not an individual one.
One subject I seem to broach with many girls at work is the fact that if we encouraged one another and worked together more is the fact that we would ALL make more money. This is a very competitive industry I know. However, we do not need to be overly territorial, or become a bully in order to make money. In fact, the more difficult a girl makes her relationships with her fellow dancers (or any co-worker), the harder her work environment shall treat her. You will find it easier and more profitable if you are being encouraging to others (even when it is dead), gaining rapport with your co-workers and establishing a positive leadership role amongst the dancers; therefore proving to those around you that you are positive and uplifting, encouraging them to stay positive and reinforcing the belief that they are powerful and beautiful will reestablish that thought about yourself as well. And this will help all of you make money and make your club thrive.
Now I will list a couple of quotes from a text I read back in my Public Speaking course in High School. It is "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnegie. I came across it again recently and in the very beginning of the book found ideas I could relate with in practically all forms of business.
"Dealing with other people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer. Research done a few years ago under the auspices of the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching uncovered a most important and significant fact - a fact later confirmed by additional studies made at the Carnegie Institute of Technology. Those investigations revealed that even in such technical lines as engineering about 15% of one's financial success is due to one's technological knowledge and about 85% is due to skill in human engineering - to personality and the ability to lead people." 1
"...A total of probably more than fifteen-hundred engineers have passed through my classes. They came to me because they had finally realised, after years of experience that the highest paid personnel in engineering are frequently not those who know the most about engineering.
"One can, for example, hire more technical ability in engineering, or architecture or any other profession at nominal salaries. But the person who has technological knowledge plus the ability to express ideas to assume leadership and to arouse enthusiasm among people - that person is headed for higher earning potential." 2
These quotes display simply that merely a technical prowess in one's craft is not enough to be fully successful. Just because you can do the splits or do an amazing lap-dance however, does not mean your audience will be dazzled and mindlessly hand over all their money. Without the very important inter-personal skills necessary you could lose a lot of your earning potential from multiple clients. Such examples are; if you are being over-territorial of them and their time or are rude and "catty" to co-workers. Most of the time, an "Adult Entertainer's" job is to communicate with the client and coax out of them (sometimes not so subtle) hints in order to find out what his/her needs and wants are. This requires superlative vocal and physical communication skills as well as a very good understanding of the clients' psychology (whether they be male or female), all the while retaining a special subtlety, and executing it gracefully, appearing demure and almost casual, despite a clubs' sometimes intimidating intimate setting. Sometimes clients are blunt about what they want and why they are there, most people are in the end way too shy to vocalize exactly what they want, if we can satisfy that or not.
Communication is not only important to have with a customer but it is very important with other dancers and the echelon of numerous other kinds of co-workers in this profession because you will eventually have to deal with them in a professional situation, whether it be tipping out to your new manager, being nice and considerate to the bartender who mixed your drink wrong or the bouncer who decided to lead you towards the big spenders asking for you in V.I.P. The small window in how you carry yourself and treat your co-workers and others shall make a lasting impression that is very hard to correct if you left a bad lasting impression. How you treat others in the workplace is also a hint on how you perceive yourself and how you expect to be treated. I always say that I am not there to make friends, but that won't stop me from being friendly. I constantly remind myself of how scared I was my first day and though in reality every new girl adds a little competition to the game, making the chances harder on everyone, many girls helped me and showed me the ropes. After I was dancing only two months, my manager Brad had me train TWO girls so fresh they were green! I asked him when I was so new why he chose me to train new girls, he replied:
"You are nice and friendly....and you know Daisy."
This meant since Daisy is making me her protégé, he is confident I will train both of them to be well-rounded dancers and being told all the necessary rules. I started to feel pride, in myself, my new-found abilities, my girls and my club. Brad allowed me to take ownership of something and in doing so, I unknowingly accepted a leadership position among the girls and this gave me a sense of accomplishment, finally having paid my "dues" after a few years I am now well respected and liked by co-workers throughout the club because of my friendly, helpful and outgoing personality. I love it when a few years later I hear girls boast outside how Sydni taught her how to do a certain trick.
Now when it comes to Dancers and "territory" it definitely depends on if you have a prior relationship with the girl(s) in question. You have to understand that girls will have their regulars and that is to be respected. The customer ALWAYS has the final decision, and is allowed to favorite more than one dancer. It is always up to the customer. It is not like you are dating (unless you are LOL) and will have to learn to share clients. If this client has a usual girl who is present and he is showing significant interest in you, tipping, making small talk while passing by, etc. Go ask the girl if she minds you spending time with her regular, instead of just plopping down on his lap or nearby chair simply because he tipped you. It is just good manners not to interrupt people when they are in deep conversation or in an "intimate" conversation (i.e. Dance). Now perhaps if you and the other girl happen to be on fairly good terms, perhaps she will give you special insight of what this customer is like and this information could greatly increase your tips. Maybe this particular client does not buy dances but will buy you drinks and could be a fun distraction for you and a couple of girls during a slow stint. Besides if you do not attempt to at least be friendly, what happens when a customer wants a Double-dance from you and another girl. (Take it from me, it can be extremely awkward when doing a double with your ex-girlfriend in V.I.P.)
The interactions between dancers are always seen and/or talked about by other employees and occasionally customers. Now emoting or "dumping" on a trusted co-worker or girlfriend is one thing, but do not go around talking shit to other customers about a dancer who "custie-hawked" you, stole your flat-iron or god-forbid do what I did, dated. Once, when Daisy and I had broken up, she told the customers that were interested in me that I was trouble and not to get dances off of me just to spite me and make work difficult. This made guys more interested and backfired. This is usually the thing men do NOT come to the strip club for and that is gossip and drama. It makes you look petty and superficial and so ruins the reputation and rapport you were just beginning with a particular client. Also, girls hear everything. You make some criticism of a girl and it will go around the club, get back to you and the rumor now sounds ten times blown out of proportion. They also do not like being fought over like territory, it reinforces the feeling you only want them for their money. Instead of instigating drama try to encourage each other, especially when it is slow. Yell and holler and support each other onstage, urging customers to go up and tip. In the locker room we have this Positive Reinforcement mantra we do.
"We're ALL gonna make an ASS-LOAD of money tonight!" The out loud positive reinforcement helps us all be productive.
Flirt with each other, new girls coming to our club see right away that we are more encouraging and less catty than in other clubs. Brand new girls to the "Industry" are relieved to have helpful and encouraging "sisters" in this scary and new experience in their lives. There are always a few girls who feel so intimidated by new competition and unknown ability that once they are over being new themselves and they feel established in the clubs' hierarchy they become bullies to the newer girls, stealing their purses, phones or other belongings thus in turn affecting their work attitudes and attempt to intimidate them to quit. I recall I auditioned at a rival club when one of my exes was doing her first ever audition. I auditioned with her so she would not be alone. We were the only white girls and the only ones dancing to rock instead of R&B or Hip-hop. The club was predominantly black and Hispanic in clientele and employees. The clients liked my pole tricks and it only took an hour for me to earn $100. One of these "Bullies" intimidated by my skills decided to shoulder-check me while I scanned the club from the bar. It sometimes does not take too much to begin a girls' downward spiral of her mood. It could be personal problems at home, a customer jips her, large (or small) sums of money stolen but once a girl is in a really bad mood it is extremely difficult to pull oneself out of it. It affects their demeanor and willingness to hustle plunging them into a feeling of helplessness and insecurity which predatory dancers will feed on and customers will avoid. This can slowly alter the atmosphere of the club. If many girls are feeling depressed and sluggish because there are few to no customers, girls start "lazy dancing" or instead of initiating conversations with the few customers they spend their time smoking or sitting amongst themselves, and unfortunately complaining. If the customers do not feel engaged by the girls, they will refuse to tip and ultimately leave and when most guys enter an empty club they get the immediate impression that the club will be boring, especially when there is not a variety of dancers, they will get quickly bored with the repeating rotation. Having a stable and wide variety of girls is necessary in order for the club and therefore the girls to be a success.
Hopefully now I have illustrated Dale Carnegie's point in that learning how to communicate effectively with people and interact with them is much more of a needed skill in almost any position, more so maybe than technical mastery. Also, a club is made up of multiple dancers. Yes we are all "Independent Contractors", but the club needs a variety of us in order for the business to run effectively and profitably.
You could be drop dead gorgeous.....but still be a Bitch and won't make a dime because no one wants to be around you.
Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Simon and Schuster. New York. 1937. Pg. 3, 4
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
The DARE Program....for Strippers
First of all you are all allowed to spank me. I have been a bad blogger and have failed to do consitent posts. I could bore you all with excuses but I won't, instead I'll publish a post for you.
There have been a few instances recently at my club where co-workers of mine I consider at least closer than the rest are beginning to concern myself and the club with how their habits are affecting their attitude and performance at work. Now let me definately begin by saying I have definately had my fair share of various addiction problems in my life whether it be legally acceptable in my personal life and tolerated at the club (i.e. Alcohol) or be illegal. So I am not a completely innocent party here. In fact, my third day working at the club I was sent home for being too drunk. "Mashed potatoes" was the way Andrew my manager described me as he helped a sleepy Sydni off of the lap of a Davis Monthan Air Force Base pilot's lap. I still blame the pilot, I didn't know what "Irish car bombs" were. (Possibly the word "bomb" in the name should have been a clue.) I also want to include in this part of my post that alcoholism and drug addiction are serious problems and though I may joke around on here, they are not a laughing matter. I do not condone using alcohol or illegal drugs on the job as obviously it will impair your judgement and could lead you to make some very dangerous decisions, such as going home with a customer and getting robbed or worse, physically hurt and/or raped. Being obviously under the influence will make you a vulnerable target to predatory customers, it doesn't matter how aware you think you are about your surroundings and the people around you, there are always people looking for an oppurtunity to take advantage of you or someone else. Don't become a target. If you or someone you know is endangering themselves and their employment with substance abuse, I strongly urge you to get yourself or the person you know help immediately. There are plenty of hotlines and resources available to get help yourself help, or to educate yourself on how to help your friend. Serious stuff aside for now, let us get to some stories.
What prompted me to do this post is that some of my friends I or either some co-worker noticed and discussed together how their behavior has changed recently and definately in one case, my friend, "Kayla", had gotten her permanently terminated from the club. Now with Kayla I had noticed a somewhat gradual descent, one decision leading to another, steadily making a series of events leading up to her termination. Now Kayla lived very close to me and was one of the few girls I'd socialize with outside of work. This year she was there alot for me after I went through a very nasty breakup with this girl Tyler. She was a customer I became smitten with and got her a job as a waitress, we began dating and even lived together for a short time. Then I found out she was cheating on me with one of the bouncers. She quit, couldn't handle constant flirtation from the clientele (which was humourous since even her friends describe her as a slut) and had frequent emotional breakdowns and the bouncer got fired for pocketing money from selling old VIP bracelets. Anyway I was struggling getting over Tyler's betrayal and Kayla was emotionally there for me. We would party outside of work together, sharing a box of White Zinfandel wine and a bottle of vodka while grilling some steaks on Sunday afternoon was normal for us. She did well for kIherself, worked alot, she did have a "sugar-daddy" that helped her financially with her daughter but she hadn't gotten into the escorting business....yet. She had this on again, off again boyfriend that was insecure about Kayla's and my strictly platonic relationship. (Though of course we flirted WE'RE STRIPPERS!) On more than one alcohol-fueled weekend, the two would fight, never physically but both were loud arguers while I awkwardly sat on the couch and tried to ignore how awkward I felt by chasing shots of vodka with my Pepsi. Well after many attempts she finally ended it after she befriended a more subdued likeness of him who was a customer we both knew named "Bear". Eventually her habits started to expand, now moving past pot and alcohol to cocaine. She began coming to work less and less and then compensating for the lack of income and needing to feed her growing cocaine habit by escorting. Well I found out a few days ago that last week while I was out with the flu that she was fired for being drunk and hopped up on coke, she became argumentative with the managers to the point where the owner's son, a head manager told Fred, the other manager that she was never allowed in his club again. She and I had our friendship slowly wane way before this incident.
Now I'm going to address a habit in the club that is becoming more and more the norm. Many of the girls have picked up the habit of smoking or more commonly snorting percs. This practice has gotten so serious that they installed a camera in the locker room that sees heat signatures. Therefore, this camera would see the repetitive on/off click of a lighter indicating someone was smoking something up there. This installment has not made it stop. I had just gotten offstage and went to the bathroom to touch up my make-up. There were two girls in the stall and one of them comes out to wash her hands. Right then Fred and a bouncer come into the bathroom and ask to search our purses because a girl who was in there and left before I walked in complained of smelling someone smoking drugs. The girl at the sink with me is searched first, her purse reveals tin-foil and a straw but luckily for her no drugs. The paraphernalia was confiscated and she was allowed to work. I was searched next revealing nothing. The last girl, obviously guilty and a little shaken asked to talk to Fred alone. She later revealed to me their conversation as I explained to her it may make good blog material. I was able to convince her to tell me by assuring her identity would be a secret. She revealed to me she wanted to be honest with Fred but feared what retribution she may recieve from the girls if I, the other girl or the bouncer saw what was in her purse. She confided she had a syringe, heroin and a spoon in her purse. Since she was honest and forthcoming with Fred in the privacy of the office he let her dispose of the drugs and narcotic paraphernalia in the office wastebasket and let her return to work under the promise she'd never bring anything like that on the premises again. Honesty paid off in this girls situation, but this leniancy was only made because she has been employed there for at least as long as me (3 years) and had few to no instances during her employment. Honesty wouldn't have paid off so well for someone with a more tainted history. For example a friend of mine from before my stripper days, someone I used to use drugs with became employed at my club. She told me she was sent home because a girl smelled drugs and the manager brought my friend in to question her. She broke down and cried but her employment status is still unclear. I told her new girls are a dime a dozen and promises mean little to nothing when the managers have no history of you to draw on. They will not endanger their employment as well as the rest of the people that work there if we happened to get raided and we took a chance on someone with no rapport and we all were punished for it. Raids are a reality.
This illustration of how drugs impair your thought process is so humourous I had to include it. I took a chance on this girl a friend of mine introduced me to and he convinced me to try to get this girl hired. She was hired and after a few days being employed there came in to work before I did. She came during the night shift and at this time the doorman inspects ALL of the girls' purses and bags for contraban. (drugs and weapons) I, myself carry a knife and pepper spray to and from work for protection. The doorman will hold my weapons for me at the front until I check out. Well "Ashley" gave her bag to the doorman to check, Fred was also lingering in the front, Fred was the one who relayed this story to me since he thought it was hilarious. What does the doorman pull out of a little make-up bag in her purse? A fucking crack pipe! The funniest thing is what she says to defend herself. "That's Sydni's bag," she tries to tell Fred and the doorman. Fred has known me for a long time and knew what drug I struggled with before being employed at Ten's and it wasn't crack. He couldn't contain his laughter as he told her to go home and come back the following day.
Drugs are not the only problem. Alcohol can be problematic for some. I struggled in the beginning because I was new to the Industry and scared shitless. I also sufferred from really low self-esteem and usually hid my feminine side rather than embracing it. I had been there maybe 8 months when a me and a friend of mine learned about trusting our alcohol (or any drink) with a client we thought we trusted. We both were rufied and driven home by the client and found out days later compromising photographs were taken of both of us while we were unconscious. I later found the customer, had his phone wiped clean and he was 86'd for life. Never leave your drink, alcoholic or not with anyone, even if you think you know them. You can end up robbed, assaulted or raped. My friend and I were extremely lucky photographs were the only things taken that night. Your reputation at the club could be ruined at the very least, and your reputation means ALOT. A girl or customer could take advantage of a moment in your impaired state and steal your purse and/or phone. I've had that happen more than once. I'm sure I'll post a blog on this subject again since I see so many examples of bad behavior but for now you get the idea. Drugs are bad, m'kay?
Posted via Blogaway
There have been a few instances recently at my club where co-workers of mine I consider at least closer than the rest are beginning to concern myself and the club with how their habits are affecting their attitude and performance at work. Now let me definately begin by saying I have definately had my fair share of various addiction problems in my life whether it be legally acceptable in my personal life and tolerated at the club (i.e. Alcohol) or be illegal. So I am not a completely innocent party here. In fact, my third day working at the club I was sent home for being too drunk. "Mashed potatoes" was the way Andrew my manager described me as he helped a sleepy Sydni off of the lap of a Davis Monthan Air Force Base pilot's lap. I still blame the pilot, I didn't know what "Irish car bombs" were. (Possibly the word "bomb" in the name should have been a clue.) I also want to include in this part of my post that alcoholism and drug addiction are serious problems and though I may joke around on here, they are not a laughing matter. I do not condone using alcohol or illegal drugs on the job as obviously it will impair your judgement and could lead you to make some very dangerous decisions, such as going home with a customer and getting robbed or worse, physically hurt and/or raped. Being obviously under the influence will make you a vulnerable target to predatory customers, it doesn't matter how aware you think you are about your surroundings and the people around you, there are always people looking for an oppurtunity to take advantage of you or someone else. Don't become a target. If you or someone you know is endangering themselves and their employment with substance abuse, I strongly urge you to get yourself or the person you know help immediately. There are plenty of hotlines and resources available to get help yourself help, or to educate yourself on how to help your friend. Serious stuff aside for now, let us get to some stories.
What prompted me to do this post is that some of my friends I or either some co-worker noticed and discussed together how their behavior has changed recently and definately in one case, my friend, "Kayla", had gotten her permanently terminated from the club. Now with Kayla I had noticed a somewhat gradual descent, one decision leading to another, steadily making a series of events leading up to her termination. Now Kayla lived very close to me and was one of the few girls I'd socialize with outside of work. This year she was there alot for me after I went through a very nasty breakup with this girl Tyler. She was a customer I became smitten with and got her a job as a waitress, we began dating and even lived together for a short time. Then I found out she was cheating on me with one of the bouncers. She quit, couldn't handle constant flirtation from the clientele (which was humourous since even her friends describe her as a slut) and had frequent emotional breakdowns and the bouncer got fired for pocketing money from selling old VIP bracelets. Anyway I was struggling getting over Tyler's betrayal and Kayla was emotionally there for me. We would party outside of work together, sharing a box of White Zinfandel wine and a bottle of vodka while grilling some steaks on Sunday afternoon was normal for us. She did well for kIherself, worked alot, she did have a "sugar-daddy" that helped her financially with her daughter but she hadn't gotten into the escorting business....yet. She had this on again, off again boyfriend that was insecure about Kayla's and my strictly platonic relationship. (Though of course we flirted WE'RE STRIPPERS!) On more than one alcohol-fueled weekend, the two would fight, never physically but both were loud arguers while I awkwardly sat on the couch and tried to ignore how awkward I felt by chasing shots of vodka with my Pepsi. Well after many attempts she finally ended it after she befriended a more subdued likeness of him who was a customer we both knew named "Bear". Eventually her habits started to expand, now moving past pot and alcohol to cocaine. She began coming to work less and less and then compensating for the lack of income and needing to feed her growing cocaine habit by escorting. Well I found out a few days ago that last week while I was out with the flu that she was fired for being drunk and hopped up on coke, she became argumentative with the managers to the point where the owner's son, a head manager told Fred, the other manager that she was never allowed in his club again. She and I had our friendship slowly wane way before this incident.
Now I'm going to address a habit in the club that is becoming more and more the norm. Many of the girls have picked up the habit of smoking or more commonly snorting percs. This practice has gotten so serious that they installed a camera in the locker room that sees heat signatures. Therefore, this camera would see the repetitive on/off click of a lighter indicating someone was smoking something up there. This installment has not made it stop. I had just gotten offstage and went to the bathroom to touch up my make-up. There were two girls in the stall and one of them comes out to wash her hands. Right then Fred and a bouncer come into the bathroom and ask to search our purses because a girl who was in there and left before I walked in complained of smelling someone smoking drugs. The girl at the sink with me is searched first, her purse reveals tin-foil and a straw but luckily for her no drugs. The paraphernalia was confiscated and she was allowed to work. I was searched next revealing nothing. The last girl, obviously guilty and a little shaken asked to talk to Fred alone. She later revealed to me their conversation as I explained to her it may make good blog material. I was able to convince her to tell me by assuring her identity would be a secret. She revealed to me she wanted to be honest with Fred but feared what retribution she may recieve from the girls if I, the other girl or the bouncer saw what was in her purse. She confided she had a syringe, heroin and a spoon in her purse. Since she was honest and forthcoming with Fred in the privacy of the office he let her dispose of the drugs and narcotic paraphernalia in the office wastebasket and let her return to work under the promise she'd never bring anything like that on the premises again. Honesty paid off in this girls situation, but this leniancy was only made because she has been employed there for at least as long as me (3 years) and had few to no instances during her employment. Honesty wouldn't have paid off so well for someone with a more tainted history. For example a friend of mine from before my stripper days, someone I used to use drugs with became employed at my club. She told me she was sent home because a girl smelled drugs and the manager brought my friend in to question her. She broke down and cried but her employment status is still unclear. I told her new girls are a dime a dozen and promises mean little to nothing when the managers have no history of you to draw on. They will not endanger their employment as well as the rest of the people that work there if we happened to get raided and we took a chance on someone with no rapport and we all were punished for it. Raids are a reality.
This illustration of how drugs impair your thought process is so humourous I had to include it. I took a chance on this girl a friend of mine introduced me to and he convinced me to try to get this girl hired. She was hired and after a few days being employed there came in to work before I did. She came during the night shift and at this time the doorman inspects ALL of the girls' purses and bags for contraban. (drugs and weapons) I, myself carry a knife and pepper spray to and from work for protection. The doorman will hold my weapons for me at the front until I check out. Well "Ashley" gave her bag to the doorman to check, Fred was also lingering in the front, Fred was the one who relayed this story to me since he thought it was hilarious. What does the doorman pull out of a little make-up bag in her purse? A fucking crack pipe! The funniest thing is what she says to defend herself. "That's Sydni's bag," she tries to tell Fred and the doorman. Fred has known me for a long time and knew what drug I struggled with before being employed at Ten's and it wasn't crack. He couldn't contain his laughter as he told her to go home and come back the following day.
Drugs are not the only problem. Alcohol can be problematic for some. I struggled in the beginning because I was new to the Industry and scared shitless. I also sufferred from really low self-esteem and usually hid my feminine side rather than embracing it. I had been there maybe 8 months when a me and a friend of mine learned about trusting our alcohol (or any drink) with a client we thought we trusted. We both were rufied and driven home by the client and found out days later compromising photographs were taken of both of us while we were unconscious. I later found the customer, had his phone wiped clean and he was 86'd for life. Never leave your drink, alcoholic or not with anyone, even if you think you know them. You can end up robbed, assaulted or raped. My friend and I were extremely lucky photographs were the only things taken that night. Your reputation at the club could be ruined at the very least, and your reputation means ALOT. A girl or customer could take advantage of a moment in your impaired state and steal your purse and/or phone. I've had that happen more than once. I'm sure I'll post a blog on this subject again since I see so many examples of bad behavior but for now you get the idea. Drugs are bad, m'kay?
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Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Big Girl Lulu Trying To Work The Pole On America's Got Talent!
Such confidence is TRULY INSPIRING! There were quite a few times I was not confident in my physical appearance even when "Daisy" and "Ray" constantly tried to remind me. Next time I have doubts in my beaitful and exciting body I will bring the memory of this videos inspiration and tell myself to believe otherwise.
Friday, July 19, 2013
The Difference between Men and Women & the benefits of Voluntary Abstinance
So alot of relationship bullshit has happened to me. Definately in the Daisy and Ray arena. They let me know they had moved on by sending me naked pics of Daisy with their new girlfriend and attaching a message saying that they think they found the girl that completes them and that I should be happy for them. Also this year I had a romance with a customer turned waitress who we shall call Faye. The emotions and relationship all happened very fast but it seems with a certain bouncer things went a little faster. She lied to me and cheated on me. I took it very hard...
Anyway this post is a reply to a customer of mine who had made his sexual intentions with me very clear. However after my recent heartbreaks I have decided to stay abstinant, in an effort to figure out who and what I really want and that it does make sex so much better for when I do have it again. So this is my (slightly edited for identity privacy) reply to me constantly turning him down without me completely outing myself as a lesbian. As a stripper I still do have to retain at least a bi-sexual identity to keep the money rolling in.
"Sorry if you thought I was a jerk or if you thought I was being cold. But rho my scars aren't visible but they sure are deep. But sugar-coating isn't in my nature. And it would be more unfair and cruel of me to string you along and take advantage of your kindness and then tell you I don't have romantic feelings for you. I wish you could see from my point of view how I'm treated by the guys and me being predisposed to women I have to giggle and be physically flirtarious when guys treat me like a piece of meat and they are allegedly God's gift to women. It doesnt make me feel good about myself having to "act" like these shovenist, cocky, self-righteous pricks and their small dicks are the greatest things in the world. And though your intentions are good, when you pressure me I feel objectified and it just reinforces that horrible shovenist, mysogynist, and selfish stereotype put on a large demographic of clientele. I deserve better than that. That quality of many men that justifies their objectifying, selfish, one-track mind may be one of a few different reasons that has kept me from ever falling in love with a man. Even the women that I gave my heart to like Faye and Daisy who toyed with my emotions had thier redeeming and compassionate momentst.
Sex in a relationship is important. However, two lovers with only sexual attraction and/or energy as the foundation of thier relationship will never last. That's where people get love and lust confused. At this point in my life I know what kind of lover I want and I'm willing to wait for the real thing now. I've had too many meaningless fuck buddies, one-night stands and bi-sexual threeways that mostly benefited the primary couple. It wasn't fulfilling anymore. When I fall in love I fall fast and hard, and I treat my women like royalty. (I usually fulfill the more butch role of the two) Like when I met Faye. Within the first 5 minutes I spent talking to her while sitting on her lap I just knew she and I were going to end up together for some period of time. I thought she could tame the beast in me and she already had a son so I thought I could really "settle down" and have the family and stability I dreamed about. However, I didn't believe even her best friends when they told me what a flakey, sex-obsessed, cheating slut she was (bc I was blinded by my love for her). Her scar on my heart was particarly painful because she was so "hot & cold". She confided in me that even though she had been with 6 other women sexually, that I was the first one she actually loved and would say "I Love You" to me. That was a huge deal. When she wanted to be passionate with me she was very attentive and loving. When she felt like giving me attention she gave me alot (especially when she's trashed) I tried to break up with her once when she pulled a move Daisy did all the time. If any of the girls would ask her about our relationship she would always deny we were together. Then say hurtful things like "I wouldnt touch her with a 10 ft pole" but once we got home the girl would practically rape me. I told Faye what I had heard and told her she better get her shit out of my locker. Brad, the manager, was one of the only management who knew and understood. He made me change out and take a break to talk about our relationship. We both cried and she did a great job making me take her back, when later at work all she did was bitch to other employees about how we weren't together and fed me lies about that the owners and management said that they'd fire her if she didn't break up with me when Kristina told me the real story that she was going to get fired because of her frequent freakouts and outburtsts over grabby customers when she was a waitress. The only reason the owners agreed not to fire her was BECAUSE she was my girlfriend.
And like I said earlier none of this insecurity I have is directly because of you. I'm damaged goods because I fully and truly tried to make things work with her. I thought she was the one when I was nothing more than a stupid, easily manipulated love fool to her. Then how Daisy and Ray easily found a replacement for my place in their hearts, and used minimal discretion in caring about my feelings or how I'd react and still expected me to be happy for them when my heart had been shattered. I changed who I was for Daisy.
My ex-girlfriend, Alexis and all my friends from downtown didn't believe I was a stripper. Now I'm damaged because I tried to be the perfect girlfriend. I can't let myself become so easily submissive and vulnerable. Some women take advantage of that vulnerability because you'll appear weak, which men have the same tactic. They see a damaged woman and they'll take advantage of her in order to make her feel dependant on tbe guy.
There was a time where I was the one who kinda felt empowered by having the title of "lady-killer". Back when I was considedered a butch or stud the more one-night stands you had notched on your bedpost, the more girls you had pining over you and the broken hearts you collected, meant the more of a hot commodity you were. I lead guys (and girls) on at work because that's the character I have to portray and honestly we aren't dragging guys in there kicking and screaming. They know what the game is and they know they play at their own risk. Just unfortunately, healthy, trusting, balanced relationships are next to impossible for those of us in the adult entertainment industry because there is a bad stigma placed on men and women in similar professions as me. We are seen as emotionless, greedy and jaded with little capacity to truly love someone. And if people do think otherwise well then they are even more of a fool. And most of the time if we continue to work at the club while having a significant other they seldom go the long haul due to the partner always doubting the boundaries that the dancer makes with a client and develop an income-debilitating jealousy problem. Thats one reason it was slightly easier for me to have my casual and/or serious relationships with women that worked at Ten's because they knew when I was acting and who I'd be coming home to every night. Working at Ten's improved my game so much that my reputation for sleeping with the dancers was just as bad if not worse than Josh (the tall german-looking bouncer)However fun that lifestyle was, it's no longer enough. I've tasted the forbidden fruit of making real love, and no hot steamy one-night stand can ever measure up to the intensity and passion of making love to one that truly has your heart. When Faye and I made real love for the first time every touch of hers gave me goosebumps, every break for air from making out left me needing her lips back on mine. I almost broke into tears while we made love. Those are feelings a man can't give me. That's what I mean when it's like comparing apples to oranges. I truly hope I can feel that again. I never felt how i did when I sleep with a man but he cant set my whole body on fire like a woman's touch. Sorry for the lengthy text but I always am able to convey my feelings better when I write my thoughts and feelings down. One of your suggestions was journaling. So this is what u get for pressing the hard questions about my chosen period of abstinance. You may not like or agree with what I had to say but that's what I've gone through and what I've seen after working in the Adult Entertainment Industry. Usually the girl you see onstage is completely different off the stage. Like me for example. Girls with my predisposition are extremely rare in a club that is dominated by heterosexuals. Many of our girls claim to be bi-sexual but are mainly predisposed to men and the others aren't really into women at all. We get bored however, when it's kind of dead so we entertain ourselves. Maybe if the two customers in the club see two girls dry-humping they may fork over some cash and extract themselves from the barstool they've been occupying for the past three hours. They just pretend. (Though we are the most "girl-friendly" when it comes to clientele at Ten's.) I've noticed many dancers at other clubs do not know how to interact with females let alone give them a lap dance. It's like they don't know what to do if they don't have a boner poking them to tell them if theyre doing a good job or not."
So just out of curiosity, my question to you readers is: What's your opinion and/or experience with voluntary periods of abstinance? Did it make sex more enjoyable or magical for when you did have it again? Please I would love you input. Send your answers to my email at sydni.stripper@gmail.com or post on the blogs Facebook page or Twitter page @sydni_stripper. I will post the best replies on the Blogger page and the FB page. Thank you all for reading and your support.
Anyway this post is a reply to a customer of mine who had made his sexual intentions with me very clear. However after my recent heartbreaks I have decided to stay abstinant, in an effort to figure out who and what I really want and that it does make sex so much better for when I do have it again. So this is my (slightly edited for identity privacy) reply to me constantly turning him down without me completely outing myself as a lesbian. As a stripper I still do have to retain at least a bi-sexual identity to keep the money rolling in.
"Sorry if you thought I was a jerk or if you thought I was being cold. But rho my scars aren't visible but they sure are deep. But sugar-coating isn't in my nature. And it would be more unfair and cruel of me to string you along and take advantage of your kindness and then tell you I don't have romantic feelings for you. I wish you could see from my point of view how I'm treated by the guys and me being predisposed to women I have to giggle and be physically flirtarious when guys treat me like a piece of meat and they are allegedly God's gift to women. It doesnt make me feel good about myself having to "act" like these shovenist, cocky, self-righteous pricks and their small dicks are the greatest things in the world. And though your intentions are good, when you pressure me I feel objectified and it just reinforces that horrible shovenist, mysogynist, and selfish stereotype put on a large demographic of clientele. I deserve better than that. That quality of many men that justifies their objectifying, selfish, one-track mind may be one of a few different reasons that has kept me from ever falling in love with a man. Even the women that I gave my heart to like Faye and Daisy who toyed with my emotions had thier redeeming and compassionate momentst.
Sex in a relationship is important. However, two lovers with only sexual attraction and/or energy as the foundation of thier relationship will never last. That's where people get love and lust confused. At this point in my life I know what kind of lover I want and I'm willing to wait for the real thing now. I've had too many meaningless fuck buddies, one-night stands and bi-sexual threeways that mostly benefited the primary couple. It wasn't fulfilling anymore. When I fall in love I fall fast and hard, and I treat my women like royalty. (I usually fulfill the more butch role of the two) Like when I met Faye. Within the first 5 minutes I spent talking to her while sitting on her lap I just knew she and I were going to end up together for some period of time. I thought she could tame the beast in me and she already had a son so I thought I could really "settle down" and have the family and stability I dreamed about. However, I didn't believe even her best friends when they told me what a flakey, sex-obsessed, cheating slut she was (bc I was blinded by my love for her). Her scar on my heart was particarly painful because she was so "hot & cold". She confided in me that even though she had been with 6 other women sexually, that I was the first one she actually loved and would say "I Love You" to me. That was a huge deal. When she wanted to be passionate with me she was very attentive and loving. When she felt like giving me attention she gave me alot (especially when she's trashed) I tried to break up with her once when she pulled a move Daisy did all the time. If any of the girls would ask her about our relationship she would always deny we were together. Then say hurtful things like "I wouldnt touch her with a 10 ft pole" but once we got home the girl would practically rape me. I told Faye what I had heard and told her she better get her shit out of my locker. Brad, the manager, was one of the only management who knew and understood. He made me change out and take a break to talk about our relationship. We both cried and she did a great job making me take her back, when later at work all she did was bitch to other employees about how we weren't together and fed me lies about that the owners and management said that they'd fire her if she didn't break up with me when Kristina told me the real story that she was going to get fired because of her frequent freakouts and outburtsts over grabby customers when she was a waitress. The only reason the owners agreed not to fire her was BECAUSE she was my girlfriend.
And like I said earlier none of this insecurity I have is directly because of you. I'm damaged goods because I fully and truly tried to make things work with her. I thought she was the one when I was nothing more than a stupid, easily manipulated love fool to her. Then how Daisy and Ray easily found a replacement for my place in their hearts, and used minimal discretion in caring about my feelings or how I'd react and still expected me to be happy for them when my heart had been shattered. I changed who I was for Daisy.
My ex-girlfriend, Alexis and all my friends from downtown didn't believe I was a stripper. Now I'm damaged because I tried to be the perfect girlfriend. I can't let myself become so easily submissive and vulnerable. Some women take advantage of that vulnerability because you'll appear weak, which men have the same tactic. They see a damaged woman and they'll take advantage of her in order to make her feel dependant on tbe guy.
There was a time where I was the one who kinda felt empowered by having the title of "lady-killer". Back when I was considedered a butch or stud the more one-night stands you had notched on your bedpost, the more girls you had pining over you and the broken hearts you collected, meant the more of a hot commodity you were. I lead guys (and girls) on at work because that's the character I have to portray and honestly we aren't dragging guys in there kicking and screaming. They know what the game is and they know they play at their own risk. Just unfortunately, healthy, trusting, balanced relationships are next to impossible for those of us in the adult entertainment industry because there is a bad stigma placed on men and women in similar professions as me. We are seen as emotionless, greedy and jaded with little capacity to truly love someone. And if people do think otherwise well then they are even more of a fool. And most of the time if we continue to work at the club while having a significant other they seldom go the long haul due to the partner always doubting the boundaries that the dancer makes with a client and develop an income-debilitating jealousy problem. Thats one reason it was slightly easier for me to have my casual and/or serious relationships with women that worked at Ten's because they knew when I was acting and who I'd be coming home to every night. Working at Ten's improved my game so much that my reputation for sleeping with the dancers was just as bad if not worse than Josh (the tall german-looking bouncer)However fun that lifestyle was, it's no longer enough. I've tasted the forbidden fruit of making real love, and no hot steamy one-night stand can ever measure up to the intensity and passion of making love to one that truly has your heart. When Faye and I made real love for the first time every touch of hers gave me goosebumps, every break for air from making out left me needing her lips back on mine. I almost broke into tears while we made love. Those are feelings a man can't give me. That's what I mean when it's like comparing apples to oranges. I truly hope I can feel that again. I never felt how i did when I sleep with a man but he cant set my whole body on fire like a woman's touch. Sorry for the lengthy text but I always am able to convey my feelings better when I write my thoughts and feelings down. One of your suggestions was journaling. So this is what u get for pressing the hard questions about my chosen period of abstinance. You may not like or agree with what I had to say but that's what I've gone through and what I've seen after working in the Adult Entertainment Industry. Usually the girl you see onstage is completely different off the stage. Like me for example. Girls with my predisposition are extremely rare in a club that is dominated by heterosexuals. Many of our girls claim to be bi-sexual but are mainly predisposed to men and the others aren't really into women at all. We get bored however, when it's kind of dead so we entertain ourselves. Maybe if the two customers in the club see two girls dry-humping they may fork over some cash and extract themselves from the barstool they've been occupying for the past three hours. They just pretend. (Though we are the most "girl-friendly" when it comes to clientele at Ten's.) I've noticed many dancers at other clubs do not know how to interact with females let alone give them a lap dance. It's like they don't know what to do if they don't have a boner poking them to tell them if theyre doing a good job or not."
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
New E-Mail Address and BlogBox!!!
Sydni_Stripper (@Sydni_Stripper) tweeted at 7:17 PM on Tue, Feb 26, 2013: ALSO I'm now on Android's Exclusive Blog Application called "BlogBox HD" just look for "Confessions of a Lesbian Stripper" by Sydni. (https://twitter.com/Sydni_Stripper/status/306588784294768640) Get the official Twitter app at https://twitter.com/download
SO THE NEW INFO IS-------------- [sydni.stripper@gmail.com]
twitter-[@sydni_stripper]
BlogBox Android App-search "Confessions of a Lesbian Stripper" under the pen-name "Sydni"
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